Why Doesn't She Just Leave

Leaving an abusive relationship is often the most dangerous time for women.

Domestic abuse is fundamentally about power and control. When a woman leaves, the abuser experiences a loss of that control, which can trigger violence and abuse. The abuser may escalate their violence in an attempt to regain control or to punish the woman for leaving.

Studies show that the risk of homicide is significantly higher after a woman leaves or attempts to leave an abusive relationship. Abusers may engage in stalking and harassment or other forms of intimidation to continue to control and frighten the woman.

The act of leaving can bring on a large amount of extra psychological trauma. The abuser may increase their use of gaslighting, and other forms of psychological manipulation.

It's crucial to understand that this increased danger is a reality, and that creating a creating a safety plan and identifying support networks is essential for anyone leaving an abusive relationship.

There are many reasons 'Why She Doesn't Just Leave'

Feel frightened and uncertain what the future will hold: Abuse creates a climate of fear and unpredictability. Leaving means stepping into the unknown, which can be terrifying.
Feel frightened for the children: Abusers often extend their control to children, either directly or by using them as leverage. A woman may fear for her children's safety and well-being if they leave.
Feel it is in their best interests to stay in the family home: Abusers often convince women that they are incapable of surviving on their own. The woman may also feel it is better for the children to stay in the home.
Feel ashamed and reluctant to tell or seek help: Domestic abuse carries a heavy stigma. Women may blame themselves, fear judgment, or worry about the consequences of speaking out.
Have such low confidence and self-esteem that making decisions is a confusing and extremely difficult task: Abusive relationships systematically erode a person's sense of self-worth and autonomy. This makes it incredibly hard to make even simple decisions, let alone life-altering ones.
Be isolated from family and friends and feel they has no one to turn to: Abusers often isolate women to increase their control. This can leave women feeling completely alone and without support.
Be worried about financial security if they leave: Abusers often control income and finances, making it difficult for women to become financially independent. This can be a major barrier to leaving.
Not have information on services available: Women may not know where to turn for help or what resources are available to them.
Have received a negative response, when they have reached out to someone for support in the past: A previous negative experience can make someone hesitant to seek help again. This could be from friends, family or professionals.
Be too exhausted to take on any life changes or major decisions: The constant stress and trauma of abuse can lead to emotional and physical exhaustion, making it difficult to take action.
May still have feelings of love for their partner and fond memories of how things used to be: Abusive relationships are often cyclical, with periods of kindness and remorse interspersed with abuse. This can create confusion and make it difficult to let go.
Hope and believe that things will get better: Abusers are often manipulative and promise to change. Women may hold onto this hope, even when there is no evidence to support it.
It's crucial to remember that leaving an abusive relationship is not a simple choice. It's a complex process that requires courage, support, and access to resources.

It is very important for anyone who is planning to leave an abusive relationship to seek help from Women’s Aid ABCLN Domestic Abuse Specialists.

If you are affected by domestic abuse YOU CAN call Women's Aid ABCLN on 028 25 632136 or email support@womensaidabcln.org In an emergency call 999.